An Update

It has been nearly a year since I walked up the steps to receive my degree from Pittsburgh Institute of Mortuary Science. There've been a lot of shifts in my life, and I remember feeling this one particularly hard. I didn’t know what I was going to do once I left school for good, but I also knew that I couldn’t jump into funeral service right away either. There was another mountain ahead of me and I was still getting over the journey to the last summit. 

Nothing could have prepared me for being so lonely, unsure, and exhausted those first few months after I graduated. The faces I saw, voices I heard, and stories I listened to everyday weren’t there anymore. My routine was upended and, to be completely honest, I was grieving this ending.

It was an odd sense of grief. I had gone through so much and, even though the majority of it was exams, studying, projects, etc. there were other challenging experiences that are unique to this education. The value of performing embalmings and restorations for families so that they could view their loved ones for the last time is not missed on me. That is not something that the average classroom can teach you. But at the same time, I felt as though my education overall wasn’t what I had anticipated. I realized pretty soon that funeral directing, no matter how suited I was for it, was not a career I could take on at this point in my life. 

I had applied to numerous entry level medical jobs to no avail. I had been ghosted more times from job boards than I had on any dating app. Nothing in my skill set seemed to fit what they were looking for. The beauty of a unique trade is inconsequential when you look down a different path, no matter how slight.

I let those rejections decide for me that I was needed elsewhere. The energy I put into getting any form acceptance was draining my ability to remain confident in my strengths and capabilities to make a difference. I let what was meant for me come to me. I knew my journey through all of this could not be a waste. 

Over the last 3 years, I had changed. But the good news was the world was changing too, and creating room and space for new perspectives and skills. It’s hard to see when it’s in the distance, but it comes into view eventually. “You'll gain your footing and there will be good opportunities for you,” was my mantra while searching for my next chapter.

I knew in my heart of hearts that I just wanted to help people. I thought I wanted to be the one to help others by assisting in postmortem care and funeral arranging, but I think I can help in different ways. I am so thankful for my education and my choice to follow through with finishing it. This whole experience brought me to a new city, helped me learn how to do things on my own, and showed me so many different cultures and people that I will cherish forever. And if that is what I was supposed to achieve by going through it, I am all the better for it. 

My current job helps those in need of housing and mental health assistance, supporting those fleeing abuse, and so much more. I’m still using my skills of empathy, arranging, and simplifying difficult processes for individuals going through an extremely tumultuous time in their lives. Many of them are grieving too. Grieving the loss of loved ones, the loss of stability, the loss of a family unit, and so many other heavy situations. 

I am so thankful for this opportunity. I am so happy that I let it come into my life. I cherish that I am still able to feel like I’m a part of making something better for someone, no matter how small my part is in their journey. Life can be difficult, but there can be wonderful people underneath those hardships. So, here’s to turning those hardships into strengths and obtaining stability and achieving fulfillment in every way we can.

Memento Mori,

Nikki